Kalau Bukan Jodoh

It's been awhile since my last post. So many things happened. Joyful and laugh. Sadness and tears.

Lover to stranger. Everything changed dramatically till me myself can't figure it out the reason behind all these. 

June 2015, was so meaningful to me. You surprised me with a sudden visit at my house. You came together with your mom, brought a ring as a mark of our 8 years relationship (on that moment). There's no word to describe my feelings at that moment. I feel so blessed and grateful as it's one of my wish before you fly to Perth. And yeah, finally we got engaged!

Setahun lebih berlalu, lots of hardship we've been through. It's 2016. And we planned to make it by end of 2017. 

Tetapi...

Perancangan Allah itu lebih teliti. Segala-galanya berubah dalam sekelip mata. Sejauh manapun kita merancang, andai itu bukan ditakdirkan menjadi milik kita, sampai bila-bila pun tetap tak akan kita miliki. 

October 2016 marked the end of our engagement. 9 years of relationship simply disappear. I feel lost. I lost my happiness. I lost everything. I don't even know how to respond to people when they ask about us. And of course people will ask,

"Kenapa putus tunang?"

"Ada orang lain ke?"

"Alaa duduk jauh macam ni mestilah ada orang lain"

Various responses I received from people surrounding. But no one knows what I feel inside. The reason behind all these. What makes me decided to return back the ring to his family..

One month, I kept thinking the same problems. I felt so miserable at that time. I lost my appetite. Almost 1 week I did Istikharah in hoping Allah will show me the best path for everyone. Allah Maha Besar. He gave me a clear instinct to decide the best way to choose. 

Meskipun sakit. Meskipun kecewa sebab impian untuk bersama dengan orang yang kita cinta terkubur, tapi aku redha. Aku yakin, Allah takkan pernah aniaya hamba-hambaNya. 

Untuk semua, yang mungkin jugak pernah atau sedang lalui masalah yang sama dengan aku, aku harap bertabahlah. Andainya bakal mertua tak sukakan kita, adalah lebih baik untuk kita berundur diri dari teruskan juga. Yakinlah dan percayalah kata hati. Hati takkan pernah berbohong. Andai masih ingin mencuba, silakan. But when you have done everything to tackle them but you get nothing in return, just back off. Allah will replace something even greater than what you have now.

Have faith in Him.

Jangan pernah berharap kepada manusia melebihi Penciptamu.